goodbye old scars...

 this one time i died for so long while i became a quantum thing so broken in its compartments light could not emit

On March 2nd at 12:42 am, I added another entry to my notes page, which is titled "." on my phone.

I don't know about you, but I have a designated page on my Notes app just for writing down everything that comes to mind to sort my thoughts and emotions when I'm confused about anything, especially when I'm overthinking (aka really stressed - basically always). For previous years, I physically wrote all of my jumbled thoughts on a piece of paper and ripped it up to signify the end of continuously rethinking those thoughts. This helped a lot. 

But on a random evening in the summer - probably at 1 am - I was fidgeting with my Notes app and discovered that you could lock a notes page. This was incredibly groundbreaking to me (Mrs. Brewer would be so proud that I'm not wasting paper anymore). Ever since then, I started a new notes page not only to fix my thoughts, but to track how many breakdowns I have. So far, I have 5 entries. For comparison, I think I had around 10 entries by this day during junior year. 

After watching the short film, I connected with a few specific moments the speaker touched on because most of my entries are also focused around feeling broken and distorted. These moments quite literally made me feel like I couldn't be pieced back together, or that "light could not [be] emit[ted]." It felt so dark. 

In times like these, one thought that essentially got me through them were: "just pull through a bit more for senior year." The countless advice and experiences so many upperclassmen told me were always about how senior year was the best year of their lives. So as regular decisions come out during the end of this month, I just want to tell you that you are worth every piece of happiness and honor in this world. 

so say goodbye to old scars ... and say hello to new beginnings.